


Mine?

by last_angel



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-07 15:28:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3176806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/last_angel/pseuds/last_angel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few years after their reunion Leorio asks Gon and Killua to go on a trip with him. Gon is happy to spend any free time with Killua since they've been busy with Hunter's work but...Killua doesn't seem to feel the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mine?

**Author's Note:**

> Um, well I was asked to finish this short drabble I started and it was fluffy but um, well, I kinda got upset a few days ago and when I tried to finish it it turned...yeah.
> 
> Gon is aromantic and Killua's demisexual. So...I really don't like like sad endings so I'll try and see if I can come up with a second part.

"Killua, about the trip, you really aren’t going?"

Killua sat slouching on the couch staring blankly at the TV monitor, “Nope.” 

"But why? Leorio said the trip was already paid for. We get a room all to our selves and we can order all the room service we want!" (15+ yrs and still excited about room service)

"Just because." Killua shrugged casually, " I don’t feel like it. Ask someone else to go if you don’t want to get bored. How about Meleoron and Ikalgo? They’ve never been to those fancy hotels. I bet they’d have a blast." 

Gon pouted not at all appreciating Killua’s disinterest in the topic. That wasn’t the point. Having fun with others wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to be with Killua, like old times. Just traveling and messing around with no clear goal. Simply following vague whispers and uncertain hints wondering  where they’d end up next. He wanted to be able to spend time with Killua without a supervisor or officer monitoring them in a work related expedition.

"I’m sure they would but the room is only for two."

Never bothering to even spare Gon a glance Killua continued watching the TV inattentively. ” Then just invite Meleoron and Ikalgo can come stay with me.”

The sudden thump startled Killua making him finally break eye-contact with the flickering screen to look at Gon who’d collapsed on the ground in one of his grown-ass tantrums. 

“ _NOOOOO_! I don’t want to share a room with Meleoron! I want to share a room with  _you_!” Gon whined resting his head on the arm rest.

Killua stared unamused at his pouting friend. As much as he hated it he still very much enjoyed hearing those words. 

"What’s the big deal? We always share a room."

"Yeah but…it’s not the same as before. You’re all distant now."

Killua raised an eyebrow not finding anything particularly different about their usual arrangement beside the fact that a single bed was a little too small now for the two of them.

"Distant how?"

Gon looked up at the silver haired boy from under his long black eyelashes giving him his signature puppy-eye look. ”Like, the bathroom and stuff. You don’t want to shower together anymore and sometimes you’ll kick me out of the room for whatever reason. You don’t even like sleeping next to me. I hear you…getting up in the middle of the night and locking yourself in the bathroom.” Hurt by the memories he looks down. “I hear you saying my name and cussing, like you’re mad about something.” 

The sudden confession, seemingly out of the blue, left Killua at a loss for words. He stared, petrified by how much Gon knew yet didn’t know about his feelings. In a subconscious way Killua figured he must have pieced  _some_  things together. 

With Killua’s silence Gon continued revealing his feelings on the matter. “Killua…do you…are you still mad at me? About what happened in…what I…”

"No! No, s-stupid that’s not it."  _Dork, arriving at the wrong conclusion despite all the obvious clues!! Only you would think…_ "I just…that’s not-ugh!!" 

Gon stared at Killua as the boy tried to organize his thoughts. His pale skin became red, the tips of his ears glowing with embarrassment. 

"Killua?"

Killua took a few deep breaths finding the room a little  too stuffy now, “I can’t-I don’t think I can keep sharing a room with you.” 

"What? Why not?! Did I do something? Was it the cupcake? I’m sorry, I swear I’ll clean up better! I’ll put away my clothes and sweep the floor."

Killua buried his face in his hands. Milky white fingers tangling themselves in silver locks. “N-no that’s not it Gon. I’m not mad about the cupcake.”

"Then what? Why don’t you want to bunk withe me?" Unwilling to lose his best friend, which is how Gon felt he was at the verge of, Gon crawled onto the sofa, slowly creeping closer towards Killua.  

"Because it’s weird!" Killua blurted out frustrated with Gon’s apparent inability to read the situation. He found the young hunter mere inches away from him, his piercing golden-brown eyes searching deep into his.

"Weird? What is?"  

"Being with you! It makes me feel…weird." 

Gon grew silent, retreating a few steps as he watched Killua do the same, pulling himself into a fetal position. A defense mechanism. 

Killua’s words made little sense to Gon. He didn’t like feeling confused and wanted to press the subject further but it was clear that Killua didn’t want him to. Killua was uncomfortable and he wasn’t feeling safe despite being alone in a room with Gon and that hurt Gon a lot more than he’d ever cared to realize. 

Silence stretched, each of them waiting for the other to talk, wondering if it was  _ok_  to talk. Gon opened his mouth unable to bare the silence any longer but Killua’s words were heard first.

"I know I shouldn’t but I- I have these feelings that I can’t stop. I know they’re wrong and still I can’t." A pause and Gon waits patiently for Killua to continue. After a few moments of deep breathing, eyes meeting briefly and nervous fingers at a loss with what to do with themselves Killua spoke again. "When you’re next to me I feel things. It’s not always, usually when we’re alone in bed or after a shower…or when you say things." 

"Say things?" Patience was never one of Gon’s virtues. Not when it felt like he was close to uncovering a great mystery. 

"Like, when you praise me. I usually feel strange after that." 

Gon hums contemplating the new information. “Is it a bad type of strange?” 

Bright blue eyes look up to meet his. They hold a hint of surprise as though the thought that had never occurred to them and it hadn’t. Killua’s crush on Gon was strange because they were best friends and both were male. That was a plain and simple fact but he’d never stopped to wonder…was it a bad thing? Was it? Who’d decided it was?

"N-no." Killua stutters, eyes falling back down to his knees. "I really like it when you say nice things to me." 

"Then what’s the problem?" 

Was there even a problem? Gon had already forgotten the origin of this silly discussion.

"That I want to touch you. That I like the way my heart warms up when you praise me and say I’m your only one and tease me about becoming mine. Even though it’s just a joke." The last words were hushed and breathy. Killua felt the air missing from his lungs and briefly wondered if he could hyperventilate from so much anxiety. 

Gon kept quiet playing with the rim of his shorts. He hadn’t been expecting this from Killua. Such sincerity and fear. Gon was not oblivious enough to not realize that everything Killua was describing were symptoms of love, romantic love. He’d dealt with women having “crushes” on him before but he himself had never felt that way towards anyone. Now, hearing Killua confess himself, he wasn’t sure how to respond. 

This wasn’t like the others where he could cut them off and bidding them good luck. This was Killua, his best friend, and…and that was it. Wasn’t it? 

He loved Killua but he couldn’t say it was in  _that_  way but then again, he didn’t want to risk the chance of losing his best friend because of this.

Unnerved by the silence Killua looked up to see Gon’s confused face, wide eyes staring blankly at the couch clearly struggling with what to say. Killua smiled mentally praising Gon for finally adding things up, though part of him ached knowing that Gon didn’t love him back the same way. But then again he’d always known that.

"It’s ok, Gon. You don’t have to worry about it. I’m the strange one, I know." Gon looked up at the sound of his name. Golden brown eyes met with sapphire ones. The wild hunter stared at his best friend with sorrow and confusion, conflicted over his feelings and hating the loneliness in Killua’s eyes. The blue pools were weeping dry tears silently while soft, pink lips faked a smile. "It’s not your fault so don’t make that face."

 Despite Killua’s comforting words Gon couldn’t help but feel tears fill his eyes. Was it strange to hate your heart for not beating loudly at the sight of your friend? For it to not stutter and swoon at their smiles and blushes? In this moment Gon hated his heart’s incapability of romantic love.

At the sight of Gon’s tears Killua felt his throat swell up. He kept the fake smiled plastered on his lips and stood needing some distance. 

"I’ll go call Ikalgo, see if he can come over and ask him to find Meleoron for you." 

He needed air. 

As he walked past Gon, eyes focused on the door ready to bolt the second he was safely behind it a hand came to catch his, holding him back. Killua stilled swallowing the lump in his throat. 

Gon’s hand was rough but warm and trembling. 

"T-touch me then, like you’ve wanted to." 

Killua turned back to stare at Gon, an incredulous look on his face which quickly turned cold. “No.” 

"Like you said you wanted. You can touch me." Gon begged tightening his grip.

Killua winced though Gon wasn’t hurting him. Gon wasn’t applying enough pressure to hold him, his touch surprisingly gentle. What was keeping Killua in place was Gon’s sudden vulnerability.

"I said no." Killua repeated, firmer and with a bit of annoyance and offense. 

"Why not? You l-love me don’t you? I’m saying that it’s ok." 

Gon’s voice became unsteady and broke, tears ready to come spilling down. Why was  _he_  the one looking like his heart was slowly being torn apart? This wasn’t fair. 

"Because I don’t need your pity and I’m not going to lick your wounds while I’m still bleeding! Not anymore. I told you, don’t worry about it. I’ve known for so long you don’t love me the same way."  _breathe_. “Gon, you shouldn’t feel guilty for not loving me but please,  _please_ , if you really don’t want to hurt me…” Tears spilled over both pale and dark cheeks. Killua felt himself crumbling under Gon’s saddened gaze. The pale boy took a deep breath, calming his nerves as he slowly breathed out. “I need you to not be selfish right now. Yes, it hurts, but it’s not your fault. I just really need to be alone right now and I promise I’ll be back to normal.” 

The warmth around his hand disappeared, Killua looking down at the crying boy with his head hanging. Gon nodded, wiping away his tears. 

"Ok." 

Free from his grasp Killua patted Gon gently on the head, his final attempt at affection, and walked to the door already feeling more tears coming. 

_I need air._

His hand twisted around the cool knob, fingers trembling. 

"Killua…even-even if I can’t return your feelings…you’ll always be my number one." 

Trembling lips opened.  _"Yeah, thanks."_ But couldn’t say those simple words. The door flung open and Killua ran disappearing in a flash of light 


End file.
